Even if it kills me...

The name from one of my favorite Motion City Soundtrack CD's & an appropriate statement when you're facing a brain MRI. "Even if it kills me"...I'm going to get through this!

Today was the day I've been dreading for a week. A ride in the tube from hell. Results that could tell me the cancer has spread to the brain. So, to face the scan & my fears, I brought my MCS CD & had them turn it all the way up. I'm afraid that any hearing I preserved after radiation has now been damaged beyond repair. I'd gladly give up hearing if it meant I wouldn't have to listen to the ridiculously loud noises that an MRI machine makes! Anyway, since I explained to Dr. Elkordy that my last brain MRI was something right out of a horror flick, she searched around for a new, larger & more open MRI tube. She found one. It's a portable & just happened to be at the new Apex hospital this morning. The whole scan was unbelievably calming. I never once felt claustrophobic & it was done before I knew it. The beautiful technician who sensed my nervousness, took me aside & said, "everything looked really good, but you'll still have to wait for your Dr. to call you to confirm this". I hugged her and would NOT let go. We're still waiting to hear from Elkordy, but we're going to purchase some champagne this afternoon. We promised our neighbors that my first drink would be with them...I think they'll know to stop by the front porch when they see the bottle of bubbly & candles tonight!

As a side note, before we walked in to the hospital this morning, T & I read something off of a bracelet that I wear every day. It says..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Thank you God for giving me the serenity I so desperately needed this morning. You are so good.