Kidscan Graduation

There comes a time in your cancer journey when you're given the choice to graduate from the Kidscan group. It's normally a time when you're no longer in the battle & you've completed your treatment. Emily & Megan have decided that they're not at the end of the cancer journey. They didn't graduate tonight, but many others did. It's a beautiful day for those that graduated, but can also be a day to reflect & remember. For some, it means their cancer is gone & they're moving on again with normal life. For others, it means cancer has taken a loved one & they're learning to move on & try to create a normal life.

Kidscan is taking the summer off, but before everyone said their good-bye's, we had a blast bowling!!!

Fran & Paul

The REAL Housewife from New Jersey!

The Graduates

This is probably on my surgeon's list of things I'm NOT supposed to do, but the only damage done was to the pins I knocked down!!!

The crazy teen group

Dallas & Megan

In Loving Memory of Lisa Barnes

At 2:15 this afternoon, a very dear friend, wife, mother and fellow cancer warrior lost her battle with colon cancer. She is finally resting peacefully in the arms of the Lord. Please pray for Lisa's husband Michael and her two sons, Michael Jr. and Dallas.

Save a spot for me, my friend. I love you.

Holt Foundation

I've mentioned the names of many people I've met throughout my journey with cancer. Without these people in my life, I doubt I'd be as accepting, strong & hopeful as I am today. They provide support. They give encouraging words. They know what I'm going through & what I'm feeling because they're fighting just as hard as I am. These people are not only my fellow warriors, but they are my friends.

I would like to thank two very important people for providing me the opportunity to meet these friends. Torry & Terrence Holt. The Holt Foundation was established in 1999 by NFL stars Torry and Terrence Holt (former NCSU grads) on behalf of their mother, the late Ojetta Holt-Shoffner. Cancer took her life in 1996, but her memory lives through the positive ventures of The Holt Foundation. The Holt Foundation strives to be a positive influence in the lives of families struggling with cancer by providing education and support for the entire family. They established KidsCan in 2001 which is a program I joined shortly after my diagnosis. It's through this program that we are continuously provided with support, friendship, hope & laughter!

Torry & Terrence Holt

Last night, the Holt Foundation was awarded the "Impact Level" grant from the NFL Charities. It is the highest level of grant & only three are awarded each year. In the above pic, the Holt brothers are accepting a check for $50,000!!! I was given an opportunity to thank them for everything they've generously provided...football & basketball tickets, bowling adventures, an evening @ Monkey Joes, horseback riding, Christmas gifts...the list goes on & on. It also gave me a chance to express my thanks for providing a group where my kids can feel like they aren't the only ones who are going through all the ups & downs of living with a parent with cancer. They don't have to be ashamed of the disease or keep mommy's breast cancer a secret. Without this group, I don't know if my children would be as "comfortable" with cancer as they are today. So, thank you Torry & Terrence. We can't wait to see where you both end up this season!

Priceless Counseling

What do you do when you need to release some pent up emotions, fears and worries with your group of girlfriends? Pizza + wine + oreo cream pie + hot tub = priceless counseling. This is actually not a picture of Kim's hot tub, but did you really think I was going to take a picture of three women...in the hot tub...in our bathing suits...after eating oreo cream pie? Before we ate the pie, I may have considered it, but definitely not AFTER!!!

Kim's hot tub does have the changing LED (or at least I told myself they were LEDs) lights & was the perfect atmosphere for counseling. Before we all knew it, hours had gone by & we'd soaked away the pain with laughter, the fears with memories & the pent up emotions with friendship. We once again proved that although cancer is a huge part of our lives, we will not allow it to take over who we are. We also had a moment of clarity when we realized that we were finally at a point in our lives when we are truly happy. Could that possibly be the result of cancer?

I thank God for these two women and all the others I have met because of this disease. We are much stronger when we fight this as an army of warriors. If I've learned one thing through all of this, I know that I am not alone. For the remainder of my days, I will always have others fighting with me.

& finally, to Kim & Kerri...."A true friend is someone you can trust with all your secrets!" Thanks for an AWESOME night!

The beast we call cancer

(a cancer cell...aka "the beast")

I'm having a difficult week & if there's anyone who should be praising God and his miracles it's me. But I'm still having a difficult week. Why? Because I'm struggling with the results that a few in my group have received this week. They've heard things like:

"The cancer has grown back in the tumor cavity."

"The cancer has spread."

"We're going to try this, but there are no guarantees that it is going to work...& if it doesn't work, we'll keep you as pain free as possible."

"We're going to put you on a clinical trial."

I'm very realistic. I know that being awarded the Stage IV title means it's not a matter of "if" the cancer will come back, it's a matter of "when". I know that I could be hearing any of those words at any time. But right now, I'm cancer free and I'm STRUGGLING with the words to say to those who I've become so close to. I've been told it's called "survivor's guilt" and it's a very real thing. I don't care what I'm being labeled as, I just want to say the right things and do the right things for these people that I care about so very much.

A lot of us have been knocked down, but all of us are such strong fighters. I don't know the "plan". I try to make one up in my head and picture myself with grandbabies, but then sometimes when I'm out in public, I look at older women who are with their older children, and I can't stop the thoughts of, "will I ever make it to that woman's age?" IT'S NOT FAIR that we have been given this path to lead, but all of us have followed it with such dignity and grace.

Lord, don't tell anyone I'm quoting Hillary, but it does "take a village" and I know with all of us putting on the gloves and supporting one another, we're going to get through whatever is thrown our way. It truly hasn't been easy. I look at all of last year and it was hell. It seemed like every time I turned around, there was another chemo to get through or a surgery to face or ANOTHER surgery to face or radiation or being TIRED and in pain all the time, but I made it. I tamed the beast...for now. And when that beast comes knocking on my door again, he better watch out. I not only have my own strength, but I've got a group of warriors just waiting to beat down the beast...for good.

Laughter

I have been blessed with the most AMAZING group of individuals at Kidscan. Not only do they provide encouragement, hope, understanding, and love, (& let's not forget Kim's parties!) but they provide one of the most important things of all....LAUGHTER. We always find a reason to eat cake. This reason happens to be the best one by far!

Kidscan Holiday Party @ Kim Ludovici's

A few of us from Kidscan decided to get together over the holidays. Kim was our gracious host. By the time we all took a look at the clock it was close to midnight & we hadn't taken any pics! As you can see, the kids were pretty silly at that point!