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There comes a time in cancer world when everything comes to a screeching halt. You can set the cruise control of life at a safe speed & get lost on the open highway. The highway where you have all the time in the world to reach your destination. There's beautiful scenery to distract you from the ugliness of cancer. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, something jumps into your path & spins you out of control...."your tumor marker is on the rise"...

Fraternal Twins

There are many ways to refer to breasts. Ta Ta's, Boobs, Boobies, Mounds...the list goes on & on. I prefer "twins". Most women have naturally "fraternal" twins (breasts that aren't the same size). We're born that way. It gives us something to complain about...because as you know, we don't have enough complaints already. Well, after my most recent surgery, I'm going to have to accept that my smaller right twin is probably going to be the size that I'll end up with. Too much radiation has destroyed the tissue and left not a whole lot of good tissue to work with. So, this means that the gigantic (it really is HUGE) left twin will be reduced. I've had three surgeries in 7 weeks. And I asked for this!!! Dr. Lyle wants to wait until the right twin is completely healed before he goes in to reduce the left one, so he's giving me an ~2 month break. Wow, I'm so lucky. During that surgery, he'll make nipples...God willing, that will be the end.

Komen NC Triangle Race for the Cure

13th year...1.75 million contributed to finding a cure. Words cannot describe what it meant to walk this race with my family this year. Or the overwhelming feeling of walking through a sea of pink shirts...we are survivors, warriors, sisters and some of the strongest women God has created. I ran into my oncologist which I thought was odd. Of all the women in the Triangle that I've met since the beginning of my journey, I saw not one of them today...but there was Dr. Maha Elkordy. She reached out for a hug and said, "I cannot tell you how proud I am to see you here today." And all I could say as I choked back the tears was, "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, so thank YOU for getting me here today."

WE are the cure!!!

They gave out capes which turned Emily into a BC superhero!

My beuatiful Megan!

Emily, me & Meg walking to the finish!

I'm on my way...

to the hospital for ANOTHER surgery. The dead tissue will be removed & be replaced with live, healthy tissue. I'm not looking forward to more needles, the OR & being put under again, but hopefully, this is it for a while!

Please keep me in your prayers.

I Do Declare!

I went to see my surgeon this morning & I was told my new right breast had "declared" itself. Excuse me? Since when did my breast have the ability to authoritatively declare anything? Confused? So was I. Apparently, the "dead" part that didn't survive the surgery has removed itself from the good tissue & is ready to be removed. I knew it was making some sort of statement by the look of it. You know I'm all about posting pictures, but trust me, if you prefer to keep you food in your stomach, you don't want to see the declaration. On Monday morning, I will have outpatient surgery to remove the dead tissue. Dr. Lyle will take some tissue he saved (on the right side near my armpit) & "push" it over to the "dead" area. I don't ask a lot of questions because I trust this man with my...well, with my breasts, so I apologize if I'm not providing the correct medical terms. Luckily, Dr. Lyle has much better things to do with his time than read my blog!

Tonight, Emily will finally be celebrating her 11th birthday with a Spa sleepover complete with facial treatments & mani/pedi's!

Even if it kills me...

The name from one of my favorite Motion City Soundtrack CD's & an appropriate statement when you're facing a brain MRI. "Even if it kills me"...I'm going to get through this!

Today was the day I've been dreading for a week. A ride in the tube from hell. Results that could tell me the cancer has spread to the brain. So, to face the scan & my fears, I brought my MCS CD & had them turn it all the way up. I'm afraid that any hearing I preserved after radiation has now been damaged beyond repair. I'd gladly give up hearing if it meant I wouldn't have to listen to the ridiculously loud noises that an MRI machine makes! Anyway, since I explained to Dr. Elkordy that my last brain MRI was something right out of a horror flick, she searched around for a new, larger & more open MRI tube. She found one. It's a portable & just happened to be at the new Apex hospital this morning. The whole scan was unbelievably calming. I never once felt claustrophobic & it was done before I knew it. The beautiful technician who sensed my nervousness, took me aside & said, "everything looked really good, but you'll still have to wait for your Dr. to call you to confirm this". I hugged her and would NOT let go. We're still waiting to hear from Elkordy, but we're going to purchase some champagne this afternoon. We promised our neighbors that my first drink would be with them...I think they'll know to stop by the front porch when they see the bottle of bubbly & candles tonight!

As a side note, before we walked in to the hospital this morning, T & I read something off of a bracelet that I wear every day. It says..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Thank you God for giving me the serenity I so desperately needed this morning. You are so good.

Disappointment...nah!

While reading this post, you may think that I'm feeling disappointed, but that's not the case. Let me explain.

We're HUGE American Idol fans in this house. We watch it together as a family & most seasons, we make our own choices of who we favor. Megan chose Bucky Covington a few seasons back...that says a lot about our dear little Megan. Emily chose the guy that looked like Chicken Little...they sky is always falling for Emily, so this choice was also not a surprise. This season we ALL chose Adam Lambert & after watching him sing with KISS last night, we were all convinced he was going to be the winner. I mean who else can wear the platforms & comfortably rock out with Gene Simmons? Adam was a natural! So when Adam wasn't chosen as the next American Idol, we all immediately agreed that he was better off not having his wings clipped by the AI record label. Now, he'd be able to sing what he wanted & not ever have to worry about singing about hurricanes & mountains. Ugh. Anyway, it worked out for the best for him...no disappointment.

This morning I had my weekly check-up with Dr. Lyle. Have I said it before that the man is AMAZING? I'd noticed that the right side of my stomach was a bit swollen. Turns out it needed some fluid drained. Common after you remove the drains. No big deal. There's also a piece of skin on the radiated side that isn't quite healing like it should. I was borderline upset about it, but he said it's VERY common for this to happen to skin that has been radiated. There just isn't a ton of blood flow to the area. I was almost to the point where I was going to be disappointed, when he explained that in about a month, he was going to go back in & replace the skin & move some more tissue to the right side to make the two breasts absolutely perfect. Lucky thing is, he saved some tissue on the right side in anticipation of this event. The next procedure will be MUCH more simple. In & out, nothing major. Whew! I have my own little sculptor that's on my side & making sure I'm put back together again just right. How could anyone be disappointed with that? Count your blessings, my friends...count 'em.

They're Baaaack!

Against better judgement, I'm typing this from my hospital bed & even though I'm off the morphine drip, I'm fairly certain there's enough left to entertain a few of you out there!

The surgery was a success! I honestly have the most amazing plastic surgeon...not to mention a nice looker, too. I have my mounds back & he got rid of my stomach! I mean it's really GONE! Before he sewed me back together again, he inserted a "power ball" (I have no idea what it's really called), but it's a seperate pack that runs pain meds directly to the incision, so I've had NO pain whatsoever. I got up yesterday & walked a little & have been up more today. Still not feeling anything really bad. If things go well tonight, I will be released tomorrow & be able to spend Mother's Day at home. What a blessing!

More later when I'm more lucid...

Thanks to all for your constant prayers & to all that have visited me in the hospital & sent flowers, gifts, etc., etc. We did it!!!

Extreme Makeover - Surgery Dates Have Been Set

Don't worry, I haven't lost my mind & asked my plastic surgeon to create two rubber duck like breasts, but I can't necessarily post a pic of what I'm really getting, right? Although, wouldn't it be kinda cool if the new ones squeeked? I'm sure the dogs would LOVE that feature!

ANYWAY...I've been asked by many about when my surgery will take place, what I'm having done, etc., so for those with a weak stomach, the big surgery will take place on Wednesday, May 6th. For those who enjoy watching the Saw movies, feel free to continue reading while I describe what I am having done.

Dr. Glen Lyle @ Raleigh Plastic surgery will be performing a bilateral TRAM flap procedure. My breasts will be reconstructed by surgically moving a section of muscle & fat from my abdomen to my chest. He will cut me from hip to hip, "open the hood" & create two pockets in my chest for breasts & then move the tissue into those pockets. The surgery takes ~ 6 hours & has a 6 to 8 week recovery time. Prior to the "big" procedure on May 6th, I will go in on April 27th for a minor procedure which is done to increase blood flow to the chest area. Dr. Lyle will go in and clip blood vessels in my lower abdomen...simple procedure...under for only 30 - 45 minutes.

I've done & continue to do everything required to maintain my survivor status & I am so blessed & grateful to be cancer free. But, I've also gotten to the point lately where I feel that cancer has taken away enough from me. I've lost one friend to it and another is fighting for her life at Rex. So in a couple of weeks, cancer will be giving me something back. Thanks to cancer, I will be receiving an extreme makeover. New breasts, a tummy tuck (the bonus part of having a TRAM) & a little "reshaping". Yes, more scars & pain, but also more proof that I'm winning the battle.

God doesn't give you more than you can handle

True, BUT...does this mean that God gave me cancer as a test to see how I could "handle it"? Do you honestly think he'd throw bolts of cancer down from the heavens in an attempt to weed out the weak ones? Sorry, I don't buy it. The Big Guy didn't do this to me. My cancer was the cause of mutated cells growing out of control & my body armour not being able to hold it back. Why me? If it wasn't me, it could have been my mother or one of my sisters or daughters or friends. One thing is for sure...you don't want to see anyone close to you go through this.


Whatever you do, don't get mad at God for this. Do what I did & get mad as hell at cancer. I know that may sound silly to some, but I'm living proof that it works. It's true that with any battle, you don't know what the outcome will be until the end. I'm very aware of the statistics of Stage IV BC, but I'm here to beat the odds. I'm stubborn enough to take on the mutants. (just ask my better 1/2) Who's to say I won't be the (Stage4) woman still here 10 or 15 years from now? And tell me, would any of you NOT fight like crazy when you're in a cage match with cancer?

So, instead of saying that God would never give me more than I can handle, why don't you remind me that God will help me handle what he has given me?

Done preachin'.