Life is a gift... Untie The Ribbons

Camping

2009-11-09T20:33:00.000-05:00

We went camping in the city (Umstead Park) this weekend. Our campsite was complete with a beautiful fall evening...family & friends...scary stories by the campfire...card games & smores...oh, & a tent with 2 queen sized air mattresses!

I heart Fall

2009-10-05T18:01:00.004-04:00

Mums & Pumpkins
Fall Wreaths

Halloween

I couldn't part with the last of my summer flowers, so I just planted the mum around them!

Candles...

Apple Cider &....

Pumpkin Spice

And nothing marks the beginning of Fall like candy corn!

TARHEELS!

2009-09-15T19:44:00.004-04:00

Somebody is ready for the UNC vs. ECU game this weekend! Watch out Rameses, I think we have a new mascot!

TAR...

HEELS!!!

26

2009-09-14T19:03:00.002-04:00

There comes a time in cancer world when everything comes to a screeching halt. You can set the cruise control of life at a safe speed & get lost on the open highway. The highway where you have all the time in the world to reach your destination. There's beautiful scenery to distract you from the ugliness of cancer. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, something jumps into your path & spins you out of control...."your tumor marker is on the rise"...

MN Trip

2009-09-10T19:42:00.009-04:00

While the girls were tracked out of school (we're lovin' this year round schedule!), they went to MN with Daddy for 11 days. T was born & raised in a suburb of the Twin Cities, so they have a ton of relatives including grandparents who love it when we visit! While there, they were VERY busy...

Mall of America...

Meg & Sadie @ Lego Land

Meg, Sponge Bob & Em

Patrick & Sponge Bob

Cousin Sadie

MN State Fair...

Future Pig Roasts...Just Joking!!!

You name it, they had it on a stick!

Gobble, gobble!

Go Twinkies!

Cluck, cluck!

Grandpa & Grandma Larson's House...

County Fair in Northern MN...

The girls worked at Uncle Tom's Treats & Eats

Petting Zoo...

Rudolph?

A few seconds after this pic was taken, the llama SPIT all over Meg!

These little guys were raised together since birth.

Bemidji, MN...

Itasca State Park

The Headwaters...

The Larson's have a cabin on the lake & a boat that the girls were on when they caught these!

Labor Day Swine Roast

2009-09-08T09:27:00.001-04:00

For Labor Day this year, we went to John Liotti's annual Pig Roast in Mansfield, OH. It was a GORGEOUS drive through the mountains of West Virginia. Even the girls didn't mind the 10 hour drive! The entire family...mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, etc., etc. were there. One 80 lb. pig, plus family, plus fall-like temps, plus a bonfire, plus beverages = one AMAZING weekend!

Ayla (cousin once-removed) taking a taste of the pig's ear! EWWWWW!

My cousins John (the host) & Paul.

They had a Mojito machine cranked & running the entire day. Some of us started a collection of cups & Corona's a bit too early! (AA) The water bottle was put there to try to "hide" the rest of the mess!

Time to slice the pig!

All of the kids were yelling, "OFF WITH THE HEAD!"

Such a sweet little girl.

A friendly game of horseshoes somehow turned into something right out of WWF!

Paul, Eric, T & Steve

The kids spent most of their day playing volleyball and some game that involved a LOT of screaming & a flag. We're still not sure what they were playing!

Now, THAT'S a bonfire!

Like mother, like daughter?

Uncle Tony trying to roast marshmallows.

Like a barnacle to a ship...that's Toby & T.

Bonfires & family...priceless :)

Wacky Wednesday

2009-08-12T06:47:00.000-04:00

So THIS is why our dachshund Toby "smiles" all the time! He doesn't like to be called Weenie!

Cousin PL

2009-08-11T14:36:00.007-04:00

This past weekend, My Aunt & Uncle moved down to North Carolina from New York. They left behind a beautiful home they'd lived in since I was a baby. They also reluctantly left behind grandchildren and many, many years of wonderful memories. It was a big move for them, but we are so happy that they are here!

Helping drive the truck was the second oldest cousin, Paul. We haven't seen one another in MANY years, so we've spent the last two evenings catching up, laughing, reminiscing...& drinking entirely too much wine!

We decided that when drinking Two Buck Chuck, there's no need for a glass!

Auntie Kim & Meg

Paul & Em

Aunt Annie served dinner on her beautiful blue china, but when it came time for dessert, she was the only one who didn't get a dessert plate. Instead, she used the cardboard bottom of the cake as her plate!

Choosing the right picture for the wall turned in to a heated argument!

Wacky Wednesday

2009-08-05T06:59:00.000-04:00

Bucket List

2009-08-02T18:42:00.000-04:00

Do you have one? Probably not. If you've received a cancer diagnosis, you undoubtedly have one. It may not be written down, but it's in your head and you mentally check off the items if you're lucky enough to have them come true. Friday night, I checked off #3 on my list. It went down like this...

The venue did not allow photographs or autographs, but they didnt' say anything about video, so T snuck this video while the venue snapped their own photograph. In case you don't recognize us, that's me meeting Rick Springfield for the first time! A dream come true. #3 on my bucket list checked off. What you don't hear on the video is me explaining my condition and Rick saying, "you're going to beat it".

What led up to that point in the evening had to be some of the most beautiful moments I've experienced in my life. The concert was set up on the lawn to the side of the Biltmore Estate. The views were breathtaking. On one side you viewed the massive Estate, on the other side were the mountains & on the other was the stage. I felt like I was on top of the world while looking down through the clouds. We were seated 10 rows back from the stage, which provided an unbelievable view of Rick. Beside us were two girls from Raleigh with whom I shared stories about Rick during the entire evening. We danced & screamed together at the top of our lungs...& the best part was, they also had backstage passes to the meet & greet! And then, just as it was probably meant to be, while the crew was breaking down the stage from Loverboy & setting up Rick's stage, a little old man seated in front of us turned around to talk to us.

It was a flashback from 27 years ago. Just like my Dad was sitting there with earplugs at my first Rick Springfield concert, so was this man. He didn't come to see Rick. He was just there to see an outdoor concert at the Biltmore & this one seemed to be the best one to see of the summer. As we were talking, he mentioned that his daughter was in Spain celebrating the removal of her portacath. Immediately, I knew exactly what he was talking about. His daughter had cancer. Without a word, I slightly pulled my top to the side and showed him my port & the tears welled up in his eyes. His daughter Camile is also a 38 year old breast cancer survivor. We talked about my cancer story and hers and he asked questions that I'm certain he was never able to discuss with her. He was so kind, just like my Dad. His 38 year old daughter is fighting cancer, just like my Dad. I don't know if I gave the man hope or encouragement, but speaking with him was such a gift for both of us. Just before Rick came out, this sweet man said, "you know, you learn to really enjoy life after you've received such a diagnosis, don't you"? I said, "I've learned to enjoy each & every day". He said, "you're right...a good cup of coffee, a crisp Fall afternoon". Life truly is a gift, my friends...untie the ribbons.

Below are some more pics of our weekend in Asheville. T & I decided to go back to Lake Lure & take the lake tour this time. It was a GORGEOUS afternoon. We wound our way through the mountains on our way back to the interstate. It may have taken us a bit longer to get home (we'll be purchasing a Garmin this week), but we enjoyed every moment like a "good cup of coffee".

Loverboy...Lovin' Every Minute of It

(I think he swallowed a fan!)

Not bad for turning 60 in a few weeks!

As the night went on, Rick lost more & more layers...

Until he was shirtless...

Security said this was a nightmare, but yes, Rick jumped in to the crowd. That's his sweaty back just a few chairs down!

Lake Lure

This is where they filmed the film Dirty Dancing

This tiny house was the first built on Lake Lure back in the 1920's. It was built before the lake was filled. Talk about a good guestimate!

One of the mountains surrounding Lake Lure looks like a woman lying on her side...do you see it?

Jessie's Girl

2009-07-29T18:53:00.006-04:00

Can you remember your teen heart throb? Maybe it was Shawn Cassidy, The Corey's (you know who I'm talking about), John Stamos, Rob Lowe...or maybe I'm just dating myself. Well, mine was none other than Dr. Noah Drake...aka Rick Springfield. My incredibly generous father took me to my first Rick Springfield concert and sat there with earplugs in the entire time. I still don't understand why he would want to block out the soothing sounds coming from the lips of an angel, but that's OK because there were thousands of screaming teens who agreed with my musical taste. Those screaming teens have grown in to middle aged women who still scream and cry at the sight of the about the man who will be turning 60 next month. And I'm one of them.

Fast forward to the year 2000...my wonderful husband took me to a local "2nd Chance Prom" where Rick Springfield came out on stage & performed despite having a 101 degree temp. Instead of sharing a guitar pick with a doting fan, he shared a cough drop. A cough drop that ended up in the mouth of that fan. I'm pretty sure I would've done the same thing.

Here we are in the year 2009 and I'm about to have one of my dreams come true. A couple of my coworkers somehow managed to contact Rick's management company & someone at his company hooked me up with tickets to his concert at the Biltmore House in Asheville tomorrow night. And while they were at it, they hooked me up with a meet & greet after the concert! I'm still in shock! If I don't run off & become a groupie or die from cardiac arrest, I will be posting the evidence from this dream at some point this weekend. But right now, I need to go and get my nails done & buy some new shoes...and a new outfit...and maybe some new lipstick...and...

Sincerely,
Jessie's Girl

Where Have I Been?

2009-07-26T23:04:00.000-04:00

Work

School

Life

Love

FUN!!!

(oh, & Big Brother started. That can take up a LOT of time!)

I can take a hint. Thank you blog stalkers for your emails regarding my well-being...I'm fine! I've just been a bit overwhelmed this past month. Returning to work has been draining. In addition to that, the girls started back to school. Between homework, their extracurricular & social activities, we've been struggling to find which end is up!

Nothing new to report on the cancer side. I visit my oncologist again on Thursday which is when I should be receiving another dose of Herceptin. My red blood counts aren't bouncing back as quickly as they should, but I'm hoping that won't stop my treatment. I'm due for scans as well, so there's something else to add to the schedule!

(see, Rey, I published a post BEFORE August 1st! Hee, hee!)

Boom Boom Pow

2009-07-05T12:47:00.004-04:00

Hope y'all had a fantastic 4th! We spent our day BBQ'ing with family & ended up at our usual spot to watch fireworks. It was a wonderful way to celebrate the end of my leave of absence from work & get ready to jump back in to things early tomorrow morning. The girls will start year round school on Tuesday...I still can't believe I have a middle schooler :( Here's a few pics from our day...

Bailey's enjoying a bone or a stogie...not sure which
Mom bought Dad a bottle of wine...

Cheers to the Old Fart's Wife!

Lu Lu Belle was all decked out for the 4th thanks to Em & Meg

This is what happens to our girls when we're forced to wait in fireworks traffic for over an hour!

Prayer Request

2009-07-01T16:03:00.002-04:00

We just received the heart wrenching news that the wife of Terry's best friend was just diagnosed with a very rare form of extremely aggressive leukemia. She was sent to Duke after experiencing extreme back pain & they sent her home with pain pills. After many trips to the ER, she ended up at UNC, which is where they gave her the cancer diagnosis.

Please keep Kathy, Tracy & their young children in your prayers as they begin to fight this battle.

Myrtle Beach Vacation

2009-06-29T19:51:00.005-04:00

WELCOME TO MYRTLE BEACH!!!

Whether it be the sun, ocean, sand or just spending some relaxing time with my husband & kids, something has definitely rejuvinated my tired body...I'm finally back! After visiting the plastic surgeon last Thursday, we took off for one of our favorite vacation spots...Myrtle Beach.

The waves were rough...

but the girls found a way to fight them TOGETHER.

The nice thing about being at the beach is that you can walk every evening & never get hot!

Me & T

The lifeguards

The big joke at dinner each night has been about the corn. For some reason, I can NOT get the corn cooked perfectly. Thank goodness we had some yummy BBQ chicken as a back up at this dinner!

The girls favorite beach treat...root beer floats

Carp at Broadway at the Beach. They have to be the most disgusting fish I have EVER seen!!!

I've always wanted a tattoo, so I finally got one. It may be temporary (henna), but I got one & it didn't even hurt!!! Of course, the cute artist named Diego that was holding my foot like a princess might have taken some of the pain away ;)

Shirts made for Risa Rarson's friends!

Megan is known throughout our family for having a freakishly long tongue. She finally got to see why we call her "Gene" while we visited the KISS Coffee Cafe. In case you can't see it in the pic, her tongue is touching the bottom of her chin!

We got the whole world in our hands.

Even Meg couldn't finish this cone!

Fraternal Twins

2009-06-16T13:12:00.005-04:00

There are many ways to refer to breasts. Ta Ta's, Boobs, Boobies, Mounds...the list goes on & on. I prefer "twins". Most women have naturally "fraternal" twins (breasts that aren't the same size). We're born that way. It gives us something to complain about...because as you know, we don't have enough complaints already. Well, after my most recent surgery, I'm going to have to accept that my smaller right twin is probably going to be the size that I'll end up with. Too much radiation has destroyed the tissue and left not a whole lot of good tissue to work with. So, this means that the gigantic (it really is HUGE) left twin will be reduced. I've had three surgeries in 7 weeks. And I asked for this!!! Dr. Lyle wants to wait until the right twin is completely healed before he goes in to reduce the left one, so he's giving me an ~2 month break. Wow, I'm so lucky. During that surgery, he'll make nipples...God willing, that will be the end.

Komen NC Triangle Race for the Cure

2009-06-13T19:02:00.004-04:00

13th year...1.75 million contributed to finding a cure. Words cannot describe what it meant to walk this race with my family this year. Or the overwhelming feeling of walking through a sea of pink shirts...we are survivors, warriors, sisters and some of the strongest women God has created. I ran into my oncologist which I thought was odd. Of all the women in the Triangle that I've met since the beginning of my journey, I saw not one of them today...but there was Dr. Maha Elkordy. She reached out for a hug and said, "I cannot tell you how proud I am to see you here today." And all I could say as I choked back the tears was, "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, so thank YOU for getting me here today."

WE are the cure!!!

They gave out capes which turned Emily into a BC superhero!

My beuatiful Megan!

Emily, me & Meg walking to the finish!

Emily's 5th Grade Graduation

2009-06-10T09:11:00.000-04:00

You did it, Emily! I'm so proud of you & what you've become. You're a terrific student, a friend to everyone you meet & an amazing daughter to me and your daddy. You're now an official middle-schooler. A new school, new friends, new adventures. I can't wait to see how you succeed at Apex Middle School!

The Graduate

The nails had to match the dress!

Steven Halko (retired Hurricane's player) is uncle of one of the graduates and gave a FANTASTIC speech to the 5th graders

Robin Wahl, Weatherstone's principal, presenting Emily with her diploma

Lauren & Emily

Jenan, Amena, Emily & Lauren

I'm on my way...

2009-06-08T06:27:00.002-04:00

to the hospital for ANOTHER surgery. The dead tissue will be removed & be replaced with live, healthy tissue. I'm not looking forward to more needles, the OR & being put under again, but hopefully, this is it for a while!

Please keep me in your prayers.

Emily's 11th Birthday Party

2009-06-07T11:54:00.005-04:00

Emily's birthday party was a blast! The pictures tell the story, but there was one conversation I heard during dinner that is worth mentioning. At the end of 5th grade, the school separated the boys from the girls so that they can give them the "talk". It had just taken place a few days ago, so it was still fresh in everyone's minds & they were more than open to discussing the "talk" during pizza. Apparently, it was a topic of discussion at the house of one of Emily's friends because the brother of her friend innocently asked his parents, "do boys get commas, too?" A slight mix up with punctuation caused me to spew my drink all over the couch! For the rest of the night, whenever we were talking about boys, we would refer to them as "commas".

I asked them to pose for a picture & this is what I got!

Pizza dinner...before the "talk" conversation

Baby Moon provided another DELICIOUS cake!

All but one of the girls are in chorus this year, so the Happy Birthday song was beautiful!

Make a wish!!!

Pomegrante clay face masks & mani/pedi's were a treat!

5th grade graduation is Tuesday night...I swear I'm going to get this pic in the slideshow

Emily's BFF, Lauren

This pic will be part of Emily's 1st date slideshow

Megan had no idea I took this picture of her...that's how relaxed she was!

Singing & dancing to Miley Cyrus

Finally, it was time for bed...

& Bailey was right in the middle of the sleeping divas.

I Do Declare!

2009-06-05T12:30:00.004-04:00

I went to see my surgeon this morning & I was told my new right breast had "declared" itself. Excuse me? Since when did my breast have the ability to authoritatively declare anything? Confused? So was I. Apparently, the "dead" part that didn't survive the surgery has removed itself from the good tissue & is ready to be removed. I knew it was making some sort of statement by the look of it. You know I'm all about posting pictures, but trust me, if you prefer to keep you food in your stomach, you don't want to see the declaration. On Monday morning, I will have outpatient surgery to remove the dead tissue. Dr. Lyle will take some tissue he saved (on the right side near my armpit) & "push" it over to the "dead" area. I don't ask a lot of questions because I trust this man with my...well, with my breasts, so I apologize if I'm not providing the correct medical terms. Luckily, Dr. Lyle has much better things to do with his time than read my blog!

Tonight, Emily will finally be celebrating her 11th birthday with a Spa sleepover complete with facial treatments & mani/pedi's!

Even if it kills me...

2009-06-03T14:12:00.003-04:00

The name from one of my favorite Motion City Soundtrack CD's & an appropriate statement when you're facing a brain MRI. "Even if it kills me"...I'm going to get through this!

Today was the day I've been dreading for a week. A ride in the tube from hell. Results that could tell me the cancer has spread to the brain. So, to face the scan & my fears, I brought my MCS CD & had them turn it all the way up. I'm afraid that any hearing I preserved after radiation has now been damaged beyond repair. I'd gladly give up hearing if it meant I wouldn't have to listen to the ridiculously loud noises that an MRI machine makes! Anyway, since I explained to Dr. Elkordy that my last brain MRI was something right out of a horror flick, she searched around for a new, larger & more open MRI tube. She found one. It's a portable & just happened to be at the new Apex hospital this morning. The whole scan was unbelievably calming. I never once felt claustrophobic & it was done before I knew it. The beautiful technician who sensed my nervousness, took me aside & said, "everything looked really good, but you'll still have to wait for your Dr. to call you to confirm this". I hugged her and would NOT let go. We're still waiting to hear from Elkordy, but we're going to purchase some champagne this afternoon. We promised our neighbors that my first drink would be with them...I think they'll know to stop by the front porch when they see the bottle of bubbly & candles tonight!

As a side note, before we walked in to the hospital this morning, T & I read something off of a bracelet that I wear every day. It says..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Thank you God for giving me the serenity I so desperately needed this morning. You are so good.

Kidscan Graduation

2009-06-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in your cancer journey when you're given the choice to graduate from the Kidscan group. It's normally a time when you're no longer in the battle & you've completed your treatment. Emily & Megan have decided that they're not at the end of the cancer journey. They didn't graduate tonight, but many others did. It's a beautiful day for those that graduated, but can also be a day to reflect & remember. For some, it means their cancer is gone & they're moving on again with normal life. For others, it means cancer has taken a loved one & they're learning to move on & try to create a normal life.

Kidscan is taking the summer off, but before everyone said their good-bye's, we had a blast bowling!!!

Fran & Paul

The REAL Housewife from New Jersey!

The Graduates

This is probably on my surgeon's list of things I'm NOT supposed to do, but the only damage done was to the pins I knocked down!!!

The crazy teen group

Dallas & Megan

PSI Rocks!

2009-05-26T22:22:00.006-04:00

Emily & Megan's softball team is still undefeated! Go PSI! Both girls made base hits each time they were up. They're having a blast playing this year. Daddy's been assisting with coaching the team & is always out on the field providing positive reinforcement. Just minutes after the game ended, the bottom fell out. Here are a couple of pics from tonight's game...

Emily watching Megan get pads put on to play catcher...not the safest position to play, but I'm dealing with it!

Emily being told to play short stop...a much safer position!

Jennifer & Steven's Wedding

2009-05-23T19:42:00.005-04:00

Today, Megan's teacher got married at Jone's Chapel at Meredith College. They were blessed with a gorgeous day for a wedding!

Mr. & Mrs. Cordleone
Mrs. C with her class

Megan & Mrs. C

Meg & her friend Seoyeon

Disappointment...nah!

2009-05-21T13:05:00.002-04:00

While reading this post, you may think that I'm feeling disappointed, but that's not the case. Let me explain.

We're HUGE American Idol fans in this house. We watch it together as a family & most seasons, we make our own choices of who we favor. Megan chose Bucky Covington a few seasons back...that says a lot about our dear little Megan. Emily chose the guy that looked like Chicken Little...they sky is always falling for Emily, so this choice was also not a surprise. This season we ALL chose Adam Lambert & after watching him sing with KISS last night, we were all convinced he was going to be the winner. I mean who else can wear the platforms & comfortably rock out with Gene Simmons? Adam was a natural! So when Adam wasn't chosen as the next American Idol, we all immediately agreed that he was better off not having his wings clipped by the AI record label. Now, he'd be able to sing what he wanted & not ever have to worry about singing about hurricanes & mountains. Ugh. Anyway, it worked out for the best for him...no disappointment.

This morning I had my weekly check-up with Dr. Lyle. Have I said it before that the man is AMAZING? I'd noticed that the right side of my stomach was a bit swollen. Turns out it needed some fluid drained. Common after you remove the drains. No big deal. There's also a piece of skin on the radiated side that isn't quite healing like it should. I was borderline upset about it, but he said it's VERY common for this to happen to skin that has been radiated. There just isn't a ton of blood flow to the area. I was almost to the point where I was going to be disappointed, when he explained that in about a month, he was going to go back in & replace the skin & move some more tissue to the right side to make the two breasts absolutely perfect. Lucky thing is, he saved some tissue on the right side in anticipation of this event. The next procedure will be MUCH more simple. In & out, nothing major. Whew! I have my own little sculptor that's on my side & making sure I'm put back together again just right. How could anyone be disappointed with that? Count your blessings, my friends...count 'em.

Update

2009-05-17T19:47:00.002-04:00

What a week. So much to update...

Post-surgery update: I'm feeling unbelievably good. Looking at the evidence of what I've had done, you wouldn't think I'd feel this good, but I count my blessings daily & right now there are so many to count. Besides feeling good, the surgery was a success. The twins are looking better every day. I'm still AMAZED when I look down every day. I have breasts! And they look nice! I know to some it would be a huge sacrifice (no pun intended) to give up their belly to make breasts...wait, who am I kidding? Although the hip-to-hip incision is a bit uncomfortable, it was necessary to get the job done & Dr. Lyle performed beautiful work. I had two additional drains removed on Thursday and will likely have the remaining three removed tomorrow. At that point, I should be able to stand in a shower again. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the sponge baths from T, but there's something about feeling running water from your head down to your toes that makes you feel clean. It will be the longest shower I ever take. Count on that.

House update: T has been busy replacing all the lighting in the house from gold/brass to brushed silver. I LOVE all the new lighting. He's also been busy in the yard...laying mulch & planting flowers for me. The outside looks beautiful! The yard still needs work, but we're getting there. We're getting more & more settled every day.

Girls update: PSI (their softball league) is UNdefeated!!! I haven't been able to get to a game yet, but hopefully, this week, I'll get to see them run the bases!

Emily sang the National Anthem with her chorus group at the Durham Bulls game last night. We were able to record the game at home so she was able to see herself on tv.

Megan has been the social butterfly of the new neighborhood. She goes out on her scooter & makes friends with every girl she finds. We have quite a few neighbors that have children that are Emily & Megan's ages. And the neighbors we've met so far are so nice! I'm looking forward to hearing the whole story about the beer cans on the Christmas light hooks...could we have possibly moved to another Wisteria Lane?

That's it for now...time to watch the Survivor finale!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T16:44:00.002-04:00

Being a mom is why I was put on this earth. This mother's day is by far one of the most special I have ever had. To be given another year to be a mother to Emily and Megan is an incredible gift. I love you girls more than you can possibly imagine & I promise that the time we have left together will be more than enough to make you understand how much you mean to me!

And happy Mother's Day to my mom, too. Thank you for always being there for me & accepting whatever I've thrown your way!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. It's your special day....enjoy it!

They're Baaaack!

2009-05-08T18:00:00.005-04:00

Against better judgement, I'm typing this from my hospital bed & even though I'm off the morphine drip, I'm fairly certain there's enough left to entertain a few of you out there!

The surgery was a success! I honestly have the most amazing plastic surgeon...not to mention a nice looker, too. I have my mounds back & he got rid of my stomach! I mean it's really GONE! Before he sewed me back together again, he inserted a "power ball" (I have no idea what it's really called), but it's a seperate pack that runs pain meds directly to the incision, so I've had NO pain whatsoever. I got up yesterday & walked a little & have been up more today. Still not feeling anything really bad. If things go well tonight, I will be released tomorrow & be able to spend Mother's Day at home. What a blessing!

More later when I'm more lucid...

Thanks to all for your constant prayers & to all that have visited me in the hospital & sent flowers, gifts, etc., etc. We did it!!!

Tomorrow's the BIG Day

2009-05-05T16:25:00.001-04:00

Nothing like a little American Idol to take your mind off of the fact that you're about to be cut open in the morning! Even though this post has nothing to do with American Idol, can I just say that Adam is by far the most amazing Idol contestant EVER??? Holy cow...the Larson girls were feelin' a "Whole Lotta Love" in the house tonight! We were actually fortunate to be able to watch Idol tonight considering a few hours earlier, we were all packed in to the coat closet while a tornado swirled around our neighborhood. When the news lists the n'hood next to yours as a place where there was a possible tornado sighting, you take cover...FAST. It brought back memories of growing up in Oklahoma. Except in Oklahoma, we had an underground tornado shelter! All is fine & it doesn't appear that the tornado actually touched down in Cary, but other parts of the area did receive damage. And I thought I was supposed to be relaxing the night before my surgery!

Anyhoo...I'll be taking a few days off from blogging. Not only because I'll be having surgery, but because I'm sure you don't want to read my garbled postings while I'm recovering on morphine! I could use extra prayers for a successful surgery & speedy recovery.

I am grateful for this whole experience...it has utterly changed my life...for the better....

We Are NEVER Moving Again

2009-05-02T19:25:00.003-04:00

A couple of years from now when HGTV offers us a million dollar, state of the art home that overlooks the ocean, or when Publisher's Clearinghouse shows up at my door with balloons and a check for 5 million, or I win the NC lottery, remind me that I really love our new house & nothing is worth packing & unpacking EVER again. To be honest, I really didn't do much packing because of the minor surgery I had on Monday. Hubby did ALL of it. I also didn't do much unpacking because my parents, girls & hubby did most of that, too. And we hired movers, so I didn't move much, either. BUT, the little I did do was enough to keep this girl in on a Saturday night...away from a few of our friends who are celebrating the fact that they received great news from their oncologists this week! (Congratulations Thierry, Kim & Kerri!) We're 85% unpacked...95% if I don't look in the garage! And we're about to spend the evening curled up on the couch watching Twilight with the girls. I'm sure that will spark its own blog tomorrow!

In Loving Memory of Lisa Barnes

2009-04-24T17:31:00.002-04:00

At 2:15 this afternoon, a very dear friend, wife, mother and fellow cancer warrior lost her battle with colon cancer. She is finally resting peacefully in the arms of the Lord. Please pray for Lisa's husband Michael and her two sons, Michael Jr. and Dallas.

Save a spot for me, my friend. I love you.

Happy 14 Year Anniversary, Babe!

2009-04-23T23:27:00.001-04:00

14 Things I Love About You

14. Today, you called me from my parking lot at work & told me to come outside. There you stood with a dozen pink roses! You always spoil me.
13. You're simply irresistible.
12. You COOK...& you're really, really good at it.
11. Your humor & wit. You're always making me laugh!
10. You're man enough to buy, wear & use pink to support the cause: my favorite gift was a pink iron!!!
9. You complete my sentences...you complete ME.
8. You're a family man. You put your family before anything else.
7. You fought off "misbehaving" (clawing, spitting, pulling hair) women in order to get me closer to Rick Springfield on stage.
6. You love OU almost as much as I do & hate the Longhorns even more than I do!
5. You treat our girls like princesses.
4. You treat ME like a princess.
3. You love me despite what cancer has done to me.
2. Because of you, no matter what may come tomorrow, today my life is more complete.
1. Your ability to forgive.

Extreme Makeover - Surgery Dates Have Been Set

2009-04-22T12:30:00.002-04:00

Don't worry, I haven't lost my mind & asked my plastic surgeon to create two rubber duck like breasts, but I can't necessarily post a pic of what I'm really getting, right? Although, wouldn't it be kinda cool if the new ones squeeked? I'm sure the dogs would LOVE that feature!

ANYWAY...I've been asked by many about when my surgery will take place, what I'm having done, etc., so for those with a weak stomach, the big surgery will take place on Wednesday, May 6th. For those who enjoy watching the Saw movies, feel free to continue reading while I describe what I am having done.

Dr. Glen Lyle @ Raleigh Plastic surgery will be performing a bilateral TRAM flap procedure. My breasts will be reconstructed by surgically moving a section of muscle & fat from my abdomen to my chest. He will cut me from hip to hip, "open the hood" & create two pockets in my chest for breasts & then move the tissue into those pockets. The surgery takes ~ 6 hours & has a 6 to 8 week recovery time. Prior to the "big" procedure on May 6th, I will go in on April 27th for a minor procedure which is done to increase blood flow to the chest area. Dr. Lyle will go in and clip blood vessels in my lower abdomen...simple procedure...under for only 30 - 45 minutes.

I've done & continue to do everything required to maintain my survivor status & I am so blessed & grateful to be cancer free. But, I've also gotten to the point lately where I feel that cancer has taken away enough from me. I've lost one friend to it and another is fighting for her life at Rex. So in a couple of weeks, cancer will be giving me something back. Thanks to cancer, I will be receiving an extreme makeover. New breasts, a tummy tuck (the bonus part of having a TRAM) & a little "reshaping". Yes, more scars & pain, but also more proof that I'm winning the battle.

Our New Home

2009-04-16T19:04:00.005-04:00

We got the house!!! (sorry about the bad pic...my camera is broken, so I had to use one from the realtor!)

Stinkin' Advertisement

2009-04-13T20:50:00.001-04:00

So, we're out to eat with some friends on Saturday night enjoying some of these...

And before you know it, our conversation went South of the Border...thanks to this friend...

Apparently, there is a plumber driving around Cary in a van that has the following advertisement plastered on the side: "We're #1 in the #2 Business". (note that Kerri is describing the picture with her hand gestures) Catchy, huh? Well, that's not it. There's also a pic on the van of the owner...sitting on a toilet...with his pants down around his ankles. Are you kidding me? That's messed up (no pun intended)! I haven't seen this van, but if anyone has, please, please, PLEASE, send me a pic.

Easter Morning

2009-04-13T19:10:00.001-04:00

Coloring Easter Eggs

2009-04-13T19:06:00.003-04:00

Birthday Pinata

2009-04-13T18:51:00.004-04:00

Birthday Cake!

2009-04-13T18:43:00.001-04:00

Buddy, Nanny
Elizabeth, Emily & Megan

Uncle Dave, Christopher, Aunt Trish

Elizabeth, Emily & Megan

Em & Lizzy's B-day Bash

2009-04-13T18:35:00.002-04:00

Emily and Elizabeth will both turn 11 on May 1st & May 11th, so they decided to celebrate their birthday a bit early. Here they are decorating for their party...

Spring Break in NJ

2009-04-13T18:24:00.005-04:00

Emily & Megan are finally home! I think the pics tell the story...

Something's Missing

2009-04-10T13:38:00.000-04:00

What do you do when your children have taken off to New Jersey to spend spring break with their cousins? NOTHING...that's what! This is sorta how it's been with the Babe & I for the last few days.

Thursday evening:

6:00
Took dogs for a long walk.

7:00
Babe: "Let's go house hunting".
Me: "Right now?"
Babe: "Why not?"
Me: "You're right, we don't have kids!"

So we drove around Cary looking for signs & peeked in the windows of the vacant homes. When we got home we watched and adult movie. No, not that kind, but one that we normally wouldn't watch with the girls. "Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist" - I'd give it three *'s.

Today, we walked around Crabtree Mall had lunch ALONE together, & this afternoon we're going to see Benjamin Button...after our nap, of course!

Tomorrow we will resume house hunting. & who knows what else. I guess this is how childless couples live. I couldn't do it....I WOULDN'T do it. I was meant to be a mom & even though the Babe and I are enjoying our time together...& believe me, we are...I feel like something is missing. They'll be back Monday night & our lives will be hectic again, but I wouldn't trade the craziness for anything.

The iPod Shuffle Meme

2009-04-07T13:00:00.005-04:00

Rules for The iPod Shuffle Meme

* Using the shuffle feature on your iPod (or other MP3 player), write down the first 10 songs that play. (I was seriously thinking about cheating because some of my most favorite bands didn’t come up…Smashing Pumpkins, Eagles & Motion City Soundtrack & Jimmy Eat World…BUT, I decided to play the game fairly, so now you have to play fair, too.)

* Justify, defend or explain why those songs are on your iPod.

* Tag someone else to complete the meme.

If you don't have an iPod or similar device: You’re a loser.

1. OMG…what a way to start this thing off. No way to defend this one.
Journey, Loving, Touching, Squeezing – How did this song get in my iTunes folder? Hmmm…Steve Perry SOMEHOW must have gotten a hold of my iPod while he was on tour in Raleigh...yeah, that's it. (although I doubt iPods existed the last time Journey toured) The only way to reach the Steve Perry notes is to sing at the top of your lungs. Go ahead, try it. Na, na, na, na, na, na…

2. Green Day, Basket Case – “Sometimes I give myself the creeps”…lolololol!!!

3. Bon Jovi, Til We Ain’t Strangers Anymore – Mmmmm…I think I’ve only heard this song one other time. Something beautiful about Bon Jovi singing, “Let’s get down to it baby”. Just makes me want to hold my man!

4. Whitesnake, Here I Go Again on My Own - What can I say? I’m a child of the 80’s! 1987 – Weatherford Eagles pep rally. This song ROCKED the auditorium! & yes, my hair was BIGGER than David Coverdale's.

5. Ramones, I Want To Be Sedated – I wonder what my plastic surgeon would say if I was singing this as I’m rolled in to the OR in a few weeks?

6. Rick Springfield, Oh Come All Ye Faithful – I have like 5 million Rick Springfield songs & THIS is the one that comes up? Really? 30-somethings have been kicked out of his fan club for much less than this. Seriously.

7. Lenny Kravitz, Just Be a Woman – My hubby has great taste in music. Love this song, babe!

8. My Chemical Romance, Disenchanted – I could write a book about this period in my life.

9. Twilight, Bella’s Lullaby – I downloaded the Twilight Soundtrack because my daughter Emily is OBSESSED with the books. It took her only a weekend to read through the first book of the series. (she's only 10) We got her the second one to bring on her trip to NJ & she’s already blown through ½ of it. A beautiful acoustic lullaby is not what I expected to hear considering the books are about vampires, but I suppose sucking someone’s blood could be considered calming…right?

10. Lily Allen, Sunday Morning – I feel like I should be shopping in A&F when I hear this song.

Since I'm Ebil, I'd like to tag more than one person today. #1: Sheri - because I want to take your mind off of chemo. #2: Deleise - because I know there's gotta be some interesting 80's music on your iPod, too! #3: Randy - because I owe you one :) #4 - My Blog Stalker

Have Fun!

God doesn't give you more than you can handle

2009-04-06T13:16:00.004-04:00

True, BUT...does this mean that God gave me cancer as a test to see how I could "handle it"? Do you honestly think he'd throw bolts of cancer down from the heavens in an attempt to weed out the weak ones? Sorry, I don't buy it. The Big Guy didn't do this to me. My cancer was the cause of mutated cells growing out of control & my body armour not being able to hold it back. Why me? If it wasn't me, it could have been my mother or one of my sisters or daughters or friends. One thing is for sure...you don't want to see anyone close to you go through this.

Whatever you do, don't get mad at God for this. Do what I did & get mad as hell at cancer. I know that may sound silly to some, but I'm living proof that it works. It's true that with any battle, you don't know what the outcome will be until the end. I'm very aware of the statistics of Stage IV BC, but I'm here to beat the odds. I'm stubborn enough to take on the mutants. (just ask my better 1/2) Who's to say I won't be the (Stage4) woman still here 10 or 15 years from now? And tell me, would any of you NOT fight like crazy when you're in a cage match with cancer?

So, instead of saying that God would never give me more than I can handle, why don't you remind me that God will help me handle what he has given me?

Done preachin'.

The Bunnies Moved Outdoors

2009-04-04T09:39:00.002-04:00

Remember those bunny nests we used to make on the family room floor? I was somehow talked in to allowing the girls to build a bunny "fort" on the back deck last night. The girls pulled out old sheets, pillows & blankets and built a fairly sturdy fort. And to my surprise, my little bunnies toughed out the chilly temps & were still out there at 2:13 a.m....5:27 a.m... and 6:40 a.m....not that I was checking on them ;)

I felt so much better about Emily & Megan's safety when I saw that they had brought the Ugly Dolls out to protect them!!! No monsters would get past Ugly Worm, Peaco, Wedgehead & Ox!!!

Meg & one of her MANY monkeys

What a difference a week makes...

2009-04-03T11:08:00.009-04:00

A week ago, I never would have posted this. I've taken my big girl pill & will be the disappointed OU fan...now dressed in Carolina blue...sitting next to her husband...cheering for his team to make it to the national championship game. This one's for you, babe......GO 'HEELS :)

P.S. to Megan - I forgive you for "accidentally" wearing that jersey during the OU/Tarheel game last Friday & I am sorry that it accidentally melted in the dryer this week.

Holt Foundation

2009-03-30T22:17:00.012-04:00

I've mentioned the names of many people I've met throughout my journey with cancer. Without these people in my life, I doubt I'd be as accepting, strong & hopeful as I am today. They provide support. They give encouraging words. They know what I'm going through & what I'm feeling because they're fighting just as hard as I am. These people are not only my fellow warriors, but they are my friends.

I would like to thank two very important people for providing me the opportunity to meet these friends. Torry & Terrence Holt. The Holt Foundation was established in 1999 by NFL stars Torry and Terrence Holt (former NCSU grads) on behalf of their mother, the late Ojetta Holt-Shoffner. Cancer took her life in 1996, but her memory lives through the positive ventures of The Holt Foundation. The Holt Foundation strives to be a positive influence in the lives of families struggling with cancer by providing education and support for the entire family. They established KidsCan in 2001 which is a program I joined shortly after my diagnosis. It's through this program that we are continuously provided with support, friendship, hope & laughter!

Torry & Terrence Holt

Last night, the Holt Foundation was awarded the "Impact Level" grant from the NFL Charities. It is the highest level of grant & only three are awarded each year. In the above pic, the Holt brothers are accepting a check for $50,000!!! I was given an opportunity to thank them for everything they've generously provided...football & basketball tickets, bowling adventures, an evening @ Monkey Joes, horseback riding, Christmas gifts...the list goes on & on. It also gave me a chance to express my thanks for providing a group where my kids can feel like they aren't the only ones who are going through all the ups & downs of living with a parent with cancer. They don't have to be ashamed of the disease or keep mommy's breast cancer a secret. Without this group, I don't know if my children would be as "comfortable" with cancer as they are today. So, thank you Torry & Terrence. We can't wait to see where you both end up this season!

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words...

2009-03-29T19:42:00.004-04:00

Weatherstone Spring Carnival

2009-03-29T15:31:00.000-04:00

Saturday was Weatherstone Elementary's big fundraiser for the year...Spring Carnival.

Last year, Emily & Megan won the "Cake Walk". This year, Em decided to increase her chances of winning again by using the following strategy: buy tickets to the cake walk for your friends. Guess what? It worked. Her friend Lauren won!

Here they are perusing the cake table. The girls ended up sharing a box of spring cupcakes.

Robin Wahl wore a cape that had pockets filled with candy. So THAT'S why she's such a popular principal!

This was the first booth to run out of "prizes". It was called "Sand Art", but instead of using sand, they used colored sugar. Words cannot describe what happens when you give tubes filled with sugar to a school of children...I'm still trying to dull my headache!

Who knew that the assistant principal told fortunes on the side? Emily was told that she will live a long, happy & healthy life. Who could ask for anything better than that?

Head & Shoulders Above the Rest

2009-03-28T16:45:00.006-04:00

...despite his ridiculous numbers and performance, he's still underrated. For some reason, fans don't appreciate Griffin in the same manner as (Kevin) Durant, (Michael) Beasley or even Hansbrough. Maybe it's because he can't step out and drain 3-pointers with ease as Durant was able to do, or doesn't have the versatile inside-out game like Beasley or doesn't call Chapel Hill home like Hansbrough.

Well, I appreciate you Blake. I don't care that you don't hit the three. When you dominate the glass, run up and down the floor like Antonio Gates and throw down dunks that make me cringe, I'm just fine with you staying inside the arc. Just watch your head next time. FoxSports Jeff Goodman

I guess when you're 6'10" it's difficult to avoid the backboard!

March 29, 2009

5:05 PM EST/CBS

Hansbrough vs Griffin

(Larson vs Larson)

My husband doesn't think I'll have anything to blog/write about on Monday. I think the pics of his clothes out on the grass will need no words.

3 Month Milestone

2009-03-23T21:28:00.001-04:00

I didn't write anything about "it" over the weekend because for the first time, I wanted to forget all about cancer.

On Friday, I had my 3 month scans. A MUGA scan which is done to make sure the Herceptin isn't doing further damage to my heart, a CT of the chest, abdomen and pelvic area, and an MRI of the liver.

They immediately recognize me when they come to get me from the waiting area at Western Wake Hospital. Jay is the one who knows exactly which vein won't collapse when he inserts the IV. He's also the one who talks about OU football (or basketball) while he takes pics of my heart. Kaye is always the one who always greets me with a hug when delivering two bottles of the nasty contrast. She then holds my hand while she puts me in the CT machine. But the MRI room is different. It's dark, cold, loud and extremely claustrophobic. I couldn't even tell you if it's the same nurses/technicians in that room every time I'm there, because I think I block the whole experience from my memory.

On Friday, I prepared myself for that room. I brough a Smashing Pumpkins CD to listen to while the machine screeched all around me. I held my breath when told to do so. I was perfectly still. And then they came on at the very end and started with the questions. "Where exactly was the lesion?" "Do you remember its size?" "Did the surgeon get it all?" Before I knew it, there were tears streaming down my cheeks. All I could imagine was that they had found something and were confirming that it was a new lesion. I layed there for another few minutes in silence while I knew the doctor was taking a look to make sure they had gotten all the pics they needed. Then they came in and rolled me out...& didn't say a word to me. They removed the IV and sent me to change. Before I knew it, blood was pouring down my hand and dripping on to the floor. They hadn't applied enough pressure when removing my IV. By the time I got back out to the waiting area where Terry was, I had blood all over me and was pale as a ghost. I've never been happier to have his arms wrap around me. He tried to tell me that all the questions were normal and it was probably someone new who didn't know my history. I didn't listen......well, I should have. I received the call today & I have no signs of cancer. The chest wall, abdomen & pelvis are all clear. My heart is stronger than it was 3 months ago. And the liver? The scar tissue is gone and there is no sign that cancer ever struck the vital organ. She explained that it's likely that they asked so many questions because they couldn't find any evidence of disease. It all miraculously disappeared.

I may have wanted to forget all about cancer over the weekend, but someone else didn't forget. He's once again restored my faith while He continues to use my body to prove that He can perform miracles. Never give up, my friends. Never give up.

Contacts

2009-03-22T15:58:00.006-04:00

Em and I are definitely cut from the same cloth. My mom & aunt often comment on how much Emily reminds them of how I was at her age. She may not have inherited my appearance, but she definitely got my poor vision! She's been going to the same eye doctor since she was 7, which was when he kindly placed glasses on her tiny little face. This week she went to the eye doctor and guess what? NO MORE GLASSES!

Emily got contacts! (please ignore the nails that need a touch up with polish) It's not easy touching your eyeball, but she's already a pro at putting them in and out. She now wants to go shopping for some cool sunglasses...Paris Hilton, watch out!

While I was sleeping in

2009-03-22T10:30:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of the mixer going in the kitchen. My first thought was that someone had broken in! And then I realized that burgulars normally don't stop to cook you breakfast while they're robbing your home. So I got up & found my husband and Meg doing this...

Chocolate chip pancakes, eggs & hashbrowns. They even set the table & cleaned up the dishes. This might be the next best thing to stargazers :)

I heart Blake Griffin

2009-03-20T20:46:00.001-04:00

Hard-nosed Griffin gives Oklahoma edge over Tar Heels

(from the reputable Chicago Sun Times)

March 20, 2009

TODAY'S ISSUE: Who will win the NCAA tournament?

..."It could be North Carolina vs. Oklahoma for the chance to go to the Final Four. And when Oklahoma not only wins the regional, but also takes the NCAA championship, I will have bragging rights for the year. With forward Blake Griffin leading the Sooners' charge, Tyler Hansbrough & Co. will have their hands full. Griffin, the Big 12 player of the year, is the second coming of Charles Barkley. He can handle the ball, shoot, defend and is a guy who can carry a team on his back. This guy was sidelined by a concussion earlier this year, and when he came back, he dove into the stands for a loose ball! The only team that can beat North Carolina is Oklahoma, because of its quick guards, good rebounding and stud player..."

I will continue to post similar articles until I receive the stargazers. Love you, babe!

10 of my favorite things that start with the letter...

2009-03-20T20:08:00.001-04:00

(thanks, Randy, for picking one of the most difficult letters of the alphabet!)

Kisses - from my husband, children & the Hershey's kind!

Kim's - Kim Metcalf, my sister & Kim Ludovici, a very good friend and fellow survivor. I love them both!

Kittyhawk Kites - I don't own one, but I dream about them. They're beautiful. Had the opportunity to own one when we visited the Outer Banks in November, but we decided on a rubber chicken instead. You know what you can do with a rubber chicken, in a park, on a sunny, spring afternoon? Nothing, that's what.

Kit Kat bars - krispy wafers covered in chocolate. 'nuff said.

Krispy Kreme donuts - I so dislike North Carolina for introducing me to these doughy bites of goodness. Just plaster them to my hips, please. Best eaten when they're fresh out of the oven & dripping with glaze. (is it bad that I'm drooling as I type this?)

Karaoke - I'm not a big fan of actually standing up & singing in front of a room full of strangers, but I'm a BIG fan of Karaoke when I receive a voicemail from one of our sales reps from our Japan office who is dedicating Freebird to Risa Rarson. It doesn't get much better than that.

Kansas City - Where the Big 12 Championship game takes place every year.

King size beds - When you're 5'3", you really don't have a need for anything larger than a queen size bed...but when you're 5'3", are married to a 6'2" hunk, have a 100 lb. golden retriever, a 15 lb. daschund and two kids who like to pile in the bed with you on the weekends, things tend to get a bit tight. I love it when we're on vacation & have a king size bed to play in!

Keyboard - I can't decide which keyboard I'm most addicted to...the keyboard on my Treo or the keyboard on my laptop. I'm too old to get grounded from either, right?

Kooks - An indie band from the UK. My fav song is "She Moves In Her Own Way".

If you're reading & haven't yet been tagged, let me know & I'll be MORE than glad to assign a letter to you!

March MADNESS!

2009-03-19T09:49:00.007-04:00

March is here...let the madness begin! I live in an area that sends college basketball fans into a synchronized FRENZY every year. There may be 60 or so teams competing for basketball's biggest prize, but this year in our house, it has come down to this...two teams and a DIVIDED household.

I love my husband...a LOT. When it comes to sports, we have two things in common: passion & competitiveness. One of the reasons I married him is because he's always game for watching or attending a sporting event. I don't pretend to know all the stats & useless sports knowledge that he does (he's kinda a nerd that way) & he doesn't pretend to know how I KNOW when a team is going to win or lose. (the jockey wearing pink, the cutest of the two QB's...)

Now back to this divided household thing. My husband sends me his bracket this morning to enter into our work pool & just in case you can't see the above image (the image that has put us in marriage counseling, by the way) he has confidently listed UNC as the National Champion. Won't he be surprised when the Sooner Schooner stomps all over his 'heels!!! Crimson vs. powder blue? Do you really need to be a guy to figure out the winner between those two colors?

I love you, babe & I'm sure I will eventually get over your brief lack of judgment. In the meantime, I hear stargazers are in season, I could use another charm for my Pandora bracelet & my feet are begging for another pedicure now that the weather has warmed up. (and our stock of wine is getting low)

For those of you who also live in a divided household, NEVER let this happen...

Converted Tarheel fans.

Happy St. Patty's Day

2009-03-17T15:36:00.000-04:00

A group of us at work have started monthly pot luck "themed" lunches in an attempt to stay in touch...or let's be honest...the REAL purpose is to eat and to laugh! This month, our lunch fell on St. Patty's Day & all the food had to be GREEN. Cabbage, watergate salad, spinach salad, spinach wraps, cucumber sandwiches, (awesome) mint cupcakes & green veggies & dip.

For our next lunch, we are going to have to bring baby pictures of ourselves...not sure if we really came up with a "theme", but I hope it doesn't revolve around baby food!

The world is half as heavy...

2009-03-15T20:08:00.002-04:00

...when two shoulder it together. This post is for you, Sheri. We've never met, but you and I share the same goal...to live. You've just received your first round of chemo and your body feels as if it is shutting down. You're sick, you're tired and every part of your body feels as if you've been beat with a bat. It isn't fair that "nothing to worry about" turned into a nightmare that you can't wake up from.

There were many days when I believed I couldn't hang on any longer, but I'm still here. A living testimony to show you that the combination of faith, hope, love and medicine will get you through this. You are not the only victim of the chemo. But unlike your cancer, you will survive. Each day, more of those bad cells are dying off, giving you the opportunity to believe that there are brighter days ahead. When you feel like everything has been taken from you, remember that you still have the gift of life.

This experience will change your life. Your life will be enriched with comfort and love from total strangers. It's a time when you have no choice but to focus on yourself and hopefully, discover what a beautiful person you are.

Look for a little pleasure in each day to offset the hours you are consumed by sickness. Fear, anger and depression are powerful emotions. Use them to fight this beast. Find someone to catch you when you feel like you're falling. You are not meant to go through this alone. As the hours, days, months go by, the quality of your life will come back. Until you get to that point, forget what others are telling you and allow your body to dictate the activity in your days. Don't feel like you're pestering the oncology nurses. If the anti-nausea meds aren't working, keep having them call in something else. You deserve to feel better.

It's a journey, but you'll have many hands to hold that will help you through it all. You and I have many angels watching over us...fighting for us...asking God to find a cure for this disease. I'll be here with you giving you the strength of serenity as your guide. We may be strangers, but we are joined by a growing sisterhood of women with breast cancer. My wish for you is not only to be cancer free, but for you to discover the gifts that cancer will bring to you along your difficult path. Your body may be weak and battered right now, but inside of you something beautiful is happening. My prayers are with you, Sheri.

"Courage is doing what you must when doing what you must is the hardest thing of all".

Priceless Counseling

2009-03-09T23:38:00.001-04:00

What do you do when you need to release some pent up emotions, fears and worries with your group of girlfriends? Pizza + wine + oreo cream pie + hot tub = priceless counseling. This is actually not a picture of Kim's hot tub, but did you really think I was going to take a picture of three women...in the hot tub...in our bathing suits...after eating oreo cream pie? Before we ate the pie, I may have considered it, but definitely not AFTER!!!

Kim's hot tub does have the changing LED (or at least I told myself they were LEDs) lights & was the perfect atmosphere for counseling. Before we all knew it, hours had gone by & we'd soaked away the pain with laughter, the fears with memories & the pent up emotions with friendship. We once again proved that although cancer is a huge part of our lives, we will not allow it to take over who we are. We also had a moment of clarity when we realized that we were finally at a point in our lives when we are truly happy. Could that possibly be the result of cancer?

I thank God for these two women and all the others I have met because of this disease. We are much stronger when we fight this as an army of warriors. If I've learned one thing through all of this, I know that I am not alone. For the remainder of my days, I will always have others fighting with me.

& finally, to Kim & Kerri...."A true friend is someone you can trust with all your secrets!" Thanks for an AWESOME night!

The beauty of living in North Carolina

2009-03-07T22:15:00.000-05:00

One week ago today, we were battling snowy roads and the girls were enjoying another snow day. This weekend, we were at the lake enjoying an 80° day. One thing has not changed...Toby found the LARGEST stick possible to play fetch with!

Megan...before she decided to get wet up to her elbows!

Happy birthday Terry!!!

It's that time of year...

2009-03-05T13:37:00.000-05:00

Most would think I'm refering to Spring. When the trees start to bloom & weather turns warmer. You wake to the birds chirping in the early morning. (I tricked you with the pic) In this case, I'm refering to surgery. Because last year at this time I was preparing myself for the unthinkable surgery. The surgery that most would think would strip you of your womanhood. When I was told I had breast cancer, there was never a doubt that I wanted them gone. Not just one, but both. They had betrayed my body. If one was filled with disease, it would only be a matter of time before the other one would soon follow. They were partners in crime and they had to be dealt with.

Almost one year later, when I'm faced with getting them back, I've realized that I may have lost both breasts, but I was never in danger of losing my womanhood. I feel more like a woman than ever before. Maybe because my husband has never made me feel like anything less. Maybe because he still looks at me and loves me like my appearance hasn't changed. Maybe because my children can come in to the bathroom while I'm relaxing in the tub & sit there & talk to me as if the two scars across my chest aren't there. And they can joke with me about how their boobies are bigger than mine.

Last year at this time, I took control of my body and the disease that tried to take it over. I went under knowing that when I woke up there would be a room full of people waiting for my reaction. Wanting to comfort me in whatever way they could. Waiting to see if I really had lost my womanhood. One year later, I'm faced with one more surgery. The surgery that for those who don't know me will "give her back her womanhood". My plastic surgeon told me this week that after I receive clean scans in April (notice that I didn't say "if" I receive clear scans, but WHEN), he would like to go ahead with the reconstruction...as in next month...as in a few weeks! I'm moving forward with the bilateral TRAM with Dr. Lyle. I've harvested enough skin in my abdomen (fat) to make some breasts & get a tummy tuck as an added bonus! Finally, a surgery worth the pain! Although I honestly don't feel the need to get new breasts, I'm looking forward to a "Welcome the TaTa's" party!

The beast we call cancer

2009-03-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

(a cancer cell...aka "the beast")

I'm having a difficult week & if there's anyone who should be praising God and his miracles it's me. But I'm still having a difficult week. Why? Because I'm struggling with the results that a few in my group have received this week. They've heard things like:

"The cancer has grown back in the tumor cavity."

"The cancer has spread."

"We're going to try this, but there are no guarantees that it is going to work...& if it doesn't work, we'll keep you as pain free as possible."

"We're going to put you on a clinical trial."

I'm very realistic. I know that being awarded the Stage IV title means it's not a matter of "if" the cancer will come back, it's a matter of "when". I know that I could be hearing any of those words at any time. But right now, I'm cancer free and I'm STRUGGLING with the words to say to those who I've become so close to. I've been told it's called "survivor's guilt" and it's a very real thing. I don't care what I'm being labeled as, I just want to say the right things and do the right things for these people that I care about so very much.

A lot of us have been knocked down, but all of us are such strong fighters. I don't know the "plan". I try to make one up in my head and picture myself with grandbabies, but then sometimes when I'm out in public, I look at older women who are with their older children, and I can't stop the thoughts of, "will I ever make it to that woman's age?" IT'S NOT FAIR that we have been given this path to lead, but all of us have followed it with such dignity and grace.

Lord, don't tell anyone I'm quoting Hillary, but it does "take a village" and I know with all of us putting on the gloves and supporting one another, we're going to get through whatever is thrown our way. It truly hasn't been easy. I look at all of last year and it was hell. It seemed like every time I turned around, there was another chemo to get through or a surgery to face or ANOTHER surgery to face or radiation or being TIRED and in pain all the time, but I made it. I tamed the beast...for now. And when that beast comes knocking on my door again, he better watch out. I not only have my own strength, but I've got a group of warriors just waiting to beat down the beast...for good.

Laughter

2009-03-02T16:13:00.002-05:00

I have been blessed with the most AMAZING group of individuals at Kidscan. Not only do they provide encouragement, hope, understanding, and love, (& let's not forget Kim's parties!) but they provide one of the most important things of all....LAUGHTER. We always find a reason to eat cake. This reason happens to be the best one by far!

Candles, wine & a bubble bath

2009-03-02T01:53:00.000-05:00

Need I say more?

Can Lauren spend the night....

2009-02-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

AGAIN? For the month of February, it appeared that we had adopted another child. And if that were to happen, I would be lucky to have Lauren as one of my own. Lauren & Emily are in Ms. K's class together and are definitely BFF's. Let's just say they "balance" each other out. Here they are enjoying Orange Crush from the bottle (they think that the way we used to drink it is a real treat!) and documenting their secret "crushes". (get the pun???)

Butterfly Rice Krispie Bars

2009-02-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

Emily & I often talk about how she will know that I'm "with" her when I'm gone. I've explained that I'm always going to be with her because our bond will never be broken. Being only 10, she needed something more tangible. Like a rainbow or a star or something she could actually see. So, we decided on butterflies. When I'm gone and she sees a butterfly, she'll know that I'm with her. We purchased a butterfly cookie cutter and made tons of them...even though it's still winter and all the beautiful butterflies are still in their cocoons!

Megan had no problem with diving right in and decorating!

Emily made sure hers were just perfect :)

Inspirational NC State Coach, Kay Yow

2009-01-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

The "Free Speech Tunnel" @ NC State

"One of the most beloved figures in N.C. State University history and one of the most respected coaches in the nation, Yow died peacefully this morning after a long, heroic battle with breast cancer," Annabelle Myers, assistant athletics director for media relations, said in a statement. Yow passed away at 6:40 a.m.

Snow Day!

2009-01-20T17:30:00.000-05:00

The white stuff doesn't fall very often in North Carolina, but when it does, the schools inevitably close. We received close to 7 inches & enjoyed two snow days together!

One of our neighbors gave us a cookie sheet to use as a sled. You might be a redneck if...

Bailey has always loved the snow. Here she is trying to get Toby as excited as she was.

Can you guess how many layers Megan is wearing?

Wipeout!

Mentos...the chewy mint

2009-01-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

What can you get for two dollars these days? A science experiment. The girls love surfing for funny videos on youtube. Some of the videos they've found have become silly songs that we sing as a family...in the privacy of our own home, of course. We've heard of the "mentos experiment", but never tried it, so during holiday break, we drove two miles to the dollar store, spent two dollars for a two liter of cola and mentos & went home to experience two minutes of excitement & screaming. As far as science experiments go, I'd rate this as easy as it gets.

Open a bottle of Cola...

Add the Mentos...

And RUN before it does this!!!!

Numbers

2009-01-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

Numbers can mean all different things. For example, I wear a shoe size of 8, my eyesight is -3.75R & -3.50L, I'm 5'3", I normally drive at least 10 miles over the speed limit which is also a number. My alarm starts going off on the same number every morning, I'm the 3rd daughter and have 2 daughters myself, I weigh....now wait a minute, did you really think I was going to share that with you? You get my point. There are numbers that relate to us EVERYWHERE. We can't escape numbers!

Recently, I've been able to celebrate two very important numbers. Numbers that most of you have never heard of & I pray you never will. One is a tumor marker & the other is called ejection fraction. When I started my battle with cancer, my tumor marker was 84. What does that mean? I had cancer BAD. Anything under 30 is considered "normal". I've been receiving tumor marker test results periodically and have watched the number miracuously drop thorughout the months. My marker was tested again the week of Christmas and came back at 19! As you can probably imagine, the news was the best present I ever could have recieved. I've had to stop chemo because of the damage it had done to my heart. I took a two month break while taking "heart boosting" medicine. Again, I was waiting for a magic number of >50 to come back from a heart scan. This past Tuesday, I had an additional MUGA scan done. I received a call today with the good news. My ejection fraction is now at 60!!! That means I can can continue with the poison (chemo) that keeps the demon away! Most would think I'm crazy to be so excited to start back on chemo, but to me it's a blessing. It's my security blanket or my "soft kitty" or "rattle pig". My little angels know just what I'm talking about ;)

The ants go marching one by one...

2009-01-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

For Christmas, Megan bought Emily an ant farm. But not just any ant farm. A gel-based ant farm. The ants tunnel and survive on the gel inside the carefully constructed & very sturdy (I checked this out BEFORE I allowed them to place the ants inside!) ant house. We had to order the ants online because let's face it, there aren't many ants roaming around NC in January! After checking the mail for the ants EVERY day, they finally arrived with a warning:

The proud mom with her new babies...

Emily helped the ants get started by creating three tunnels...

We're FREE...

This image makes my skin crawl...

By far, this was one of Em's favorite gifts...& Meg picked it out. Priceless.

The word for 2009 is......

2009-01-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

drum roll, please.............

FREE

A fellow blogger & very smart lady, I might add, came up with this idea in 2007. You choose one word that you can focus on, meditate on & reflect upon as you go about your daily life. It can be something tangible or intangible. It could be a thought or a feeling or an emotion. It can be singular or plural. The key is to find something that has personal meaning for you. This is YOUR word, not your spuse's or child's or anyone elses.

So, you may wonder why I came up with the word FREE. It has nothing to do with becoming a coupon clippin' momma & scouring the weekly adds in an effort to come up with a total of FREE on my grocery bill. And I don't plan on entering every type of internet contest on a weekly basis to try to win something FREE. Since we all have dieting as a new year's resolution, I suppose I could try to buy items that are listed as fat FREE, but that's neither realistic nor fun. If you google FREE on the net, you come up with all sorts of things...free games, free videos, free clipart, free dating service...(free, really?), free access to websites that would make your eyes cross...for "free".

I chose the word FREE because it was the word in a phrase that changed my life in 2008. The words came from Dr. Maha Elkordy on July 14th. "Yes, you are cancer FREE". I was no longer a prisoner of cancer. I spent the remainder of 2008 living "FREELY", but true FREEDOM is what you do with what's been done to you. It's time that I take the hardships I've been through & help inspire others who are desperately seeking freedom. I'm more equipped now more than ever to put on my warrior suit and become a soldier in the battles of others. Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. Life is so full of noise...let go & be FREE.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T12:18:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't be able to add posts to 2009 until I did the honorable thing & thanked 2008 for all of its blessings. I have a LOT to be thankful for, but here’s a brief list of reasons to give thanks…

Top 8 for 2008

1. January 25, 2008 – The day my world stood still & the day my eyes were opened to a new way of life.
2. The year my husband & I rediscovered each other.
3. The year my girls & I truly bonded.
4. The year I experienced so much love & kindness from perfect strangers.
5. The year Dr. Elkordy & Dr. Watters saved my life.
6. The year of MANY vacations!
7. The year I started blogging instead of just reading them.
8. The year the Sooners won the Big 12 Championship!

So, goodbye 2008 & welcome 2009! I pray that we all have a great year!

The Year was 2008

2008-12-31T12:22:00.000-05:00

And boy has it been a long one. The everything in between has made me a stronger, more beautiful person. Cancer almost took my life, but it saved my life as well. I didn't go through it alone and would never have survived without support from people who have become much more than friends. They are my warriors and have fought this with me through constant prayers, hugs, emails and calls. As I've watched others fight this battle, some have not been as fortunate. I don't know why I've been spared the pain and suffering or why I'm still here, but I plan on finding the calling and doing whatever it takes to make the rest of my days worthy.

A good friend and fellow fighter sent me this quote...

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." ~Lance Armstrong

I have hope and the strength to continue to fight like hell!

Exchanging Gifts with Auntie Kim & Uncle Jim

2008-12-30T13:53:00.000-05:00

Emily, Auntie Kim, Megan & Me

The best gift of all was the new addition to the Metcalf family...
Welcome Oliver Maestro Metcalf Born November 6, 2008 Wilson, NC Came home to the Metcalfs December 23, 2008

Emily practicing the "sit" command

Steven & Eric could probably come up with a gazillion other things to do at this moment!

The girls aDORE this little puppy!

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T14:05:00.000-05:00

Kidscan Holiday Party @ Kim Ludovici's

2008-12-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

A few of us from Kidscan decided to get together over the holidays. Kim was our gracious host. By the time we all took a look at the clock it was close to midnight & we hadn't taken any pics! As you can see, the kids were pretty silly at that point!

The Gift

2008-12-17T14:09:00.000-05:00

Knowing the secret. (Not the book) Shortly before a friend of mine passed away, he whispered something profound in my ear. The secret to life is knowing what to do with our gift. I immediately pictured the gift that sits under the tree that no one wants to open. It doesn't have shiny paper or a big red bow. It's ugly...worn-like & 'cold'. Some don't want the gift because once you've been given the gift your life will never be the same. Our gift is cancer. It changes our life in a way that only WE know. Enclosed in the box with cancer are many mini gifts...the gift of strength...the gift of courage...the gifts of wisdom, hope, love & laughter. The gift of new friendships. We enjoy the sunrise like no other because it symbolizes another day that we've been 'gifted'. Additional time that we're given with our friends is a gift. I've never been exposed to a love & bond stronger than that from my husband & children...all because of my gift.

It may not have arrived in shiny paper & a big red bow, but it is truly the most beautiful gift that I have ever received. I am the luckiest girl alive because I know the secret.

What's YOUR favorite gift?

OBX...yes, there's more!

2008-11-26T13:14:00.001-05:00

"Almost Home", Rodanthe, NC

When the tide came in, the water came right up to the house!

Kitchen...

Living room...

Making smores.

OBX cont...

2008-11-25T13:12:00.001-05:00

"To the third floor, please." Once Toby discovered the elevator, he never used the stairs again. He even took the elvator solo a few times!

We took the girls to one of the only "souvenir" shops we found on Hatteras Island & told them to buy anything they wanted...this is what Emily came up with. A rubber chicken. Yes, that reminds me of the OBX...how about you?

Um, no thanks.

OBX Day Two

2008-11-24T13:07:00.001-05:00

It was a little windy in the bed of the truck!

Since we were pretty much the only people on the beach, we decided to teach the girls how to drive. Here's Megan...

Keep your eyes on the road...err...sand!

Then Emily took over the wheel.

"Nights in Rodanthe" house...or as the locals call it: Serendipity

As you can see from the above pic, the foundation has completely lifted. The house is on the verge of being condemned.

I'm pretty sure Richard Gere stood right here. I "felt" his presence!

Thanksgiving OBX

2008-11-23T12:59:00.000-05:00

This year, we decided to take the girls to the OBX for Thanksgiving. It was our first time there as a family. We stayed on Hatteras Island in Rodanthe. What's in Rodanthe, you ask? Well, not much besides an old abandoned house that was used to film the outside scenes in Nights In Rodanthe. The nearest grocery store was 20 miles south & most of the local restaurants were closed for the season. It was the PERFECT vacation & we created many memories to last a lifetime!

37 + 1 Birthday!!!

2008-11-20T13:25:00.000-05:00

After the year I've been through, I decided that I had experienced somewhat of a rebirth. From this point on, every year that I survive, I will add another year on to 37. This is also a way to ensure that I will never have to admit to turning 40!

My coworkers...or was it a coworker...decided to decorate my office at work. What you can't see are the THOUSANDS of little white and pink hearts that were affectionately placed all over my cube! It was truly one of the best birthdays ever :)

Umstead Park Picnic & Hike

2008-11-09T13:45:00.000-05:00

It was the most beautimous Fall day, so we packed up a lunch & went to Umstead Park for a hike & picnic.

Thank goodness we had Toonces the driving dog to navigate the way!

M&M's Halloween Party '08

2008-11-01T13:28:00.001-04:00

This year's theme is Grimm's Fairy Tales. The really grim ones. Did you know that in the original version of Cinderella, the step-sisters cut off parts of their feet to make them fit into the glass slipper? Yeah, good times.

Teresa's sister, Teresa & Barrett

Ray & his wife

Melanie's friend, Neal

SNL Spartan cheerleaders!

My chocolate Santa!

Al & Mark

Carving Pumpkins

2008-10-30T13:40:00.001-04:00

Ewwww...do I have to put my hands in there?

Yummy, pumpkin goop!

Bunny's Nest

2008-09-27T13:52:00.001-04:00

One of Emily & Megan's favorite things to do is to build a "bunny's nest". I suppose this could be considered as indoor camping. We are such city girls!

Notre Dame Trip

2008-09-06T12:06:00.001-04:00

I had ended radiation the day before I left for Notre Dame. My skin was still very burned & raw & quite uncomfortable. One of the first places we visited on campus was the Grotto. I lit a candle & said a short prayer. The next day, my pain was gone & my wounds were healed. Oh, & the Irish won!

Dad & Uncle Tony by their tree & plaque

Dad & I in front of the plaque & tree.

Sorin College was the dorm Dad stayed in while he was at ND.

The famous "Touchdown Jesus"

Gerry Faust & Dad

After mass, the players march from the Basilica to the stadium. This pic is of a very stoic Jimmy Claussen.

Unbelievable, I know, but this is Mr. Joe Montana's "back side". Annie & chased him all the way around campus before we were able to get this shot!

After the win against San Diego, the players, cheerleaders & band gathered in the endzone to sing the Notre Dame Victory Song.

Carolina Kids Club Day @ UNC

2008-09-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

Riding in Auntie Kim's Car

2008-07-26T14:18:00.000-04:00

Emily, Megan, Elizabeth & Auntie Kim riding in Kim's Christmas present!

Myrtle Beach 4th of July

2008-07-05T14:28:00.000-04:00

Myrtle Beach with the girls

2008-05-29T14:25:00.000-04:00

Chemo, February 1st through May 7th

2008-02-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

Me & Ann Hill

Me & Aunt Annie
Me & Jeff Zillmer

Me & Mom

Me & Jim